Comfort in Structure
Published: 07-06-2024
Cameron Allotey
Introduction
Transitioning from school to work seemed like an easy change to me. Just work hard and be an active listener and everything else will fall in line, right? Right? Without dragging this out, I was very wrong and learned the hard way not to take all of your available resources for granted. My last year has been focused on managing burnout. Now, after four years of working as a software engineer, I plan to build a system from the ground up to help me be more organized and less shell shocked by the demands of work. To do this I will be using Obsidian for both my work life and personal life.
No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
This Milton Friedman quote was something I learned in high school economics as a way to explain opportunity costs. While it is helpful in that context, it wasn’t until recently that I realized it can be applied to so many different areas of life where there are “invisible” forces at work. A common one is the realization that if you are using a free app or service, then you have become the product. I find it to be an interesting way to view the world and opens the door to consider the layers of work that went into the world we live in.
Bringing it back to the main topic of this post, I never realized when I was in school that I was benefitting so much from the structure created by the school system. My daily routine was curated and monitored by a huge team of professionals. Thinking broadly, this chain could go all the way up to the US Department of Education. Countless people paved the way to make a highly effective curriculum with concrete objectives, required learning material, required mastery of tools and an accountability system in the form of grades. As a kid, it is easy to just go through the motions. I have a hard time believing any of this structure is exciting to kids while they are in school. I was never overly excited to get my school planner at the start of each year. I was grateful to get out of high school and into college where I was finally free from the tedious activities forced upon me in public school like having to maintain a planner, keep up with nightly homework, and take all my own notes.
In college, while I was able to keep up with my course load despite a huge increase in required time for studying. It was the typical case of a kid not being overly challenged in grade school and having to learn better studying habits on the fly. Even so, the “invisible” forces were still at work. No amount of exhaustion would stand between me and the grades I was chasing. I balanced my time between studying and socializing because failing was simply not an option. College also brought out a lot of competition (or at least perceived competition) between my classmates and I.
Everyone has the same 24 hours. It’s all about how you use them.
This was a quote I heard early in college from an upperclassman. In hindsight the message was likely much more about remembering to show up to lectures and turn in assignments, but I twisted into a source of dread. How can I take a day off from schoolwork if someone else in my class might keep working and pass me? Especially in a world of classes graded on bell curves. In the short term, this motivation worked. I kept pushing myself for better and better grades, and on paper left college in great shape, and with a job offer in my pocket. I was ready to take on the world, so what if I was a little burnt out. I was a hard worker all through school, surely those same traits will help me succeed in the workplace.
What Happens Without Structure?
The first revelation I had in the workplace was that my motto above no longer applied. Even if I worked 24/7, raw hours could never make up for “competing” who had been working in the field longer than I had been alive. Deep down I knew this would catch up with me somehow, but I knew no other way to work. I continued to work late nights, be a continuous learner, and push myself beyond my limits of exhaustion because I needed to succeed at work. Things started to fall apart after the first year of this. I never considered how much benefit I was getting from the built-in breaks and limited schedule of school. One can really gamify school by treating a grade like an in-game achievement with minimum requirements. Why go for a perfect score in a class when a 90% still gets me an A? This attitude simply doesn’t work in software engineering. You can’t just “take the L” on a work assignment and hope to do better on the next one. At least not without a good explanation to your team or manager. In this way I feel that school builds in a lot of momentum, it is more about ensuring that you have a surface level understanding of a huge amount of topics rather than a deep understanding of your work like what is required at a job.
Over time, while I received good marks at work and positive feedback from my peers, I began to seriously doubt myself. There was no satisfaction in finishing a task after working 12 straight hours. I had become my own harshest critic, and felt like a complete imposter. It took years to sort it all out, but I was going through a bad burnout that started probably even before I began college. Not having school’s natural momentum led to me becoming a constant overthinker, and with no organizational tools or habits to fall back on, my confidence at work continued to tumble. At a certain point I just gave up and started coasting. My time at work was spent scrolling on my phone or some other avoidant behavior. Anything to get away from the feeling of dread that came from working. It’s easy to point fingers at things like remote work, social media apps, video games, or bad work culture, but at the end of the day it was up to me to find a path forward. There was no end-of-the-year-none-of-my-problems-exist-anymore pizza party to break me out of this cycle. I had to fix things one step at a time. That will likely be a separate post though 😊.
By prioritizing my physical health and wellness I was at least able to right the ship before things got too bleak. With a better mindset overall I was able to (very slowly) incorporate better habits like using the pomodoro technique to serve as the grumpy teacher keeping me on task throughout the day. With slightly less burnout induced guilt and slightly better results at work I have been able to take a more objective look at both my work habits and life habits. The biggest thing that stood out to me was that I needed to declutter my digital life and work to improve as an engineer in a way I found enjoyable (also a post for another time).
My Plan
Moving forward my plan for adding structure back into my life includes the following changes in behavior:
- Clean up 20k unread emails
- Turn off notifications for most apps on my phone
- Find areas for improvement at work and improve them
- Start a notes management system that works for me
Clean Up Emails
🔴 Problem: This one is self explanatory, but I felt so out of control with work that I let my emails pile up on me to the point where it felt pointless to try to clean up.
🟢Solution: This one was fun because I got to set up my own python script for managing and cleaning up email. At the time I was very down on all coding, so it was a nice win to have something work
Phone Notifications
🔴 Problem: Notification creep. I had become so used to checking my phone nonstop. It was a huge procrastination tool for me, and deep down I didn’t care about these notifications.
🟢Solution: Turning off notifications and removing apps from my phone as necessary has helped a ton with staying focused on my goals. It also makes the end of the work day much sweeter when I can catch up on what I missed throughout the day
Improving at Work
🔴 Problem: I realized that this was a big area where my “90% is still an A” mentality finally caught up with me. At a certain point I had to accept that I am a software engineer and should take pride in my craft or start exploring new fields
🟢Solution: Starting small. I have been practicing touch typing and finding fun side projects that are helping me be more well rounded. I think having multiple avenues for improvement will keep things varied and interesting rather can becoming another burnout-inducing grind.
Notes Management System
🔴 Problem: I found myself getting much worse at short term memory. If I didn’t write down notes during a meeting I would struggle to recall anything that was discussed. It feels like a struggle to turn the small daily learnings into long-term improvement.
🟢Solution: I discovered Obsidian and zettelkasten note taking. These tools help to establish a web of connected thoughts, notes, and ideas that many call a “second brain”. There are different options out there for note management systems, but I like the name Obsidian for its reference to the rock. Obsidian as a crystal represents clarity, steadiness, and focus - all things I hope to improve on in daily life.
Enjoy the Process
People who have no hold over their process of thinking are likely to be ruined by liberty of thought. If thought is immature, liberty of thought becomes a method of converting men into animals.
The point I have been trying to make in this post is that it is easy to overlook the value of processes and organization, especially when those things are handled by other people, but at some point I think it is important for everyone to find a system that works for them. The goal shouldn’t be to reach an arbitrary goal, but to find practices that positively impact you and enable you to live a more fulfilling life. To trust the process you have to have a process, ideally a good one.
There is a solid chance none of these changes will be permanent or fix all of my problems, but the journey of self improvement is rewarding in itself.